What happens in our homes influences the norms of our society and what happens in our society impacts on our homes.

Through active engagement on issues of masculinity and behaviours, ordinary South Africans can positively contribute to peaceful and nurturing homes where children are protected and their rights are enabled. In so doing, we can all play a part in articulating a cycle of peace and safety, beginning in the home with positive gender behaviours and role modelling.

BIG IDEA: Fathering and partnering for peace

In South Africa, many homes are protected on the outside by security alarms, high walls and guards. However, these security measures cannot and do not protect the many women, children and some men inside the home from violence perpetrated by their loved ones.

What happens in our homes influences the norms of our society and what happens in our society impacts on our homes.

If we are to bring about fundamental changes for a safer South Africa, we must change what is happening in our homes. Legislative frameworks are not sufficient to stop violence and abuse in the home. These largely relate to punitive procedures and seldom impact on behaviour change. We therefore need to change the hearts and minds of every South African. 

Domestic violence is potentially fatal. Half of all women murdered in South Africa are killed by an intimate partner. In fact, a woman is killed every six hours by an intimate partner (Mathews et al., 2007). A population-based study carried out in three provinces in South Africa (Eastern Cape, Mpumalanga and Limpopo Province) found that one in four women have experienced physical abuse in their lifetime (Jewkes et al. 2002). In Soweto, Johannesburg, one in two women attending antenatal clinics reported ever having experienced physical and/or sexual abuse (Dunkle et al. 2003). 

Prevalence figures of violence are often considered to be an underestimate, given the reluctance of many women to disclose abuse. In many instances abusive behavior has been described as increasingly normative rather than deviant and part of the culture of violence that persists in South African society (Simpson, 1992). The consequences of domestic violence include physical injuries to the head, neck, thorax and abdomen, sexually transmitted diseases, HIV/AIDS, pelvic inflammatory disease, infertility, and mental health effects including depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and suicide (Campbell, 2002). 

According to South Africa's Domestic Violence Act (SA Government, 1998), abuse is any form of conduct which harms or may cause imminent harm to the safety, health or well being of a woman, man or child. In this regard, the definition of domestic violence includes physical, sexual, psychological and economic abuse.

• Physical abuse includes being hit, slapped, pushed, kicked, threatened with a weapon, burnt, strangled, and/or having something thrown by an intimate partner or someone living in your household.

• Sexual abuse includes being forced to have sex by an intimate partner when you didn't want to or because you were threatened.

• Emotional abuse includes humiliation, name-calling, preventing your partner or someone in your household from seeing friends or family, boasting about other girlfriends or bringing them home.

• Economic abuse includes taking a partner's wages, preventing your partner from going out to work, and not providing money for basic household costs when there is money for other things.

Child abuse which includes neglect, as well as physical, emotional or sexual abuse occurs frequently in South African families. Child sexual abuse is most commonly perpetrated by someone known to the child and in their homes. Experience of violence in childhood, particularly sexual violence, has been identified as a risk factor for experiencing violence in adulthood, a phenomenon known as "revictimisation".  

While men are sometimes the victims of domestic violence, they are much more commonly the perpetrators of these different forms of violence.  Even children who are not abused may be affected by poor parenting. This includes the emotional or physical absence of a parent and the use of corporal punishment. In the South African context it is often fathers who are emotionally absent and not actively engaged in parenting their children. This happens because mothers are believed to be the primary caregivers for children and fathers often don't have the necessary skills, as they too may have experienced physically or emotionally absent parents.

Despite the wonderful South African Constitution that is premised on equality between men and women this is not a reality for many South Africans. One of the upstream drivers of domestic violence is the unequal power relations that exist between women and men in South Africa. Men are still frequently the decision-makers in households. 

Prevention of domestic violence has primarily been fought by non-governmental organisations that address violence against women. The last few years have seen a growing understanding of the fact that if we are to achieve the goal of gender equality and thereby begin to prevent domestic violence in South Africa, there needs to be a critical examination of men's power and privilege and current constructs of "masculinities".

Some aspects of South African male identity are potentially harmful to men themselves as well their families. These included notions that men need to control the behaviour of their female partners or children. It also influences men's reluctance to seek health care or psychological support after trauma.  Some people believe that male identity is defined by culture and there is some truth in this. However, culture is dynamic and changes over time. Culture also needs to be harmonised with our democratic processes (Khumalo, 2008). Our culture and traditions need to be affirming and life enhancing not hurtful and dangerous to ourselves and our loved ones.